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Sunday, October 10, 2010

To Baby or Not to Baby

That is the question...
Well in our house anyways.

A month ago I would have said not to baby without a doubt.
This week (and last week, shhhh) I have been having insane desires twinges of wanting another baby.
I think partly due to the fact that I am really starting to
realize how big my girls are getting.
I think about all the reasons not to have another baby
and they seem really selfish.
Which isn't completely a bad thing, I mean I am the one
who will be the most affected by another baby,
in the early stages at least.

Financially we can afford another baby,
and we certainly have enough love to share.
And we will have 2 very willing to smoother help
big sisters that have been asking for a little brother.
The hubby keeps nagging reminding me that I
am denying him a boy.
(Like there is a guarantee we will get a boy)
I still think about how incredibly painful awesome it would be to
actually get to experience labor and delivery.
I know crazy right.
I kinda felt jipped outta all that good stuff
stuff you really don't want captured on video.
It would be cool to have a big family
which in turn will give me more grandkids to spoil
in my golden girl years.

BUT

Then reality sets in and I am stabbed in the heart reminded
of my mommy insecurities.
I work,
outside the house.
And granted I have a cool schedule that allows me LOTS
of time off in the summer,
when I do work I am gone
all.day.long.
Some days I feel like I am already not there enough with my girls.
I worry that if we add another baby/kid that
I will be spread even further.
I already seriously stress think about how we will manage sports,
school, homework, work and the girls
aren't even in kindergarten yet.
Add another peanut in the mix and I we
may implode.
Besides that my plants are finally starting to
grow back the leaves the girls pulled off
and ate when they were little.
I am not sure they can endure another baby's wrath.

I kinda feel like we are under a weird deadline too
which makes it even more stressful for this momma.
The girls will be 5 soon, so there will
be a minimum of 5 years between them
if we got pregnant right away.
Do we really wanna start all over now
just when the girls are becoming
self sufficient????

Then I start looking at my cuter than cute girls
and begin to imagine how adorable
a little Tony boy would be.
Would he have the same blonde curls as the girls
or darker thick hair like my handsome hubby?
And I secretly have another name for a little girl picked out
if we had another girl.
I think if I did decide to open the baby maker
back up I would have to have a guarantee of
my choice of names.
You think that would fly???

I was hoping that writing all this out for all of you me to see
would help me make this decision easier
but I don't feel any different than when I started...
all sorts of conflicted.

8 comments:

Laura said...

Since you asked... I have to say for all the hard things that a baby brings which are a lot... that the joy and love that expands in your home will surprise you. Watching your girls rise to the occasion of becoming big sisters, enjoying a real pregnancy and newborn time, and loving an entirely new person out weigh it all. When your kids are all grown you won't regret it. My mom says she has friends who often wish they could go back and have just one more. As for not enough time I think all you need is lot's of love. I don't know why but I would love seeing you experience another baby! My children are my greatest treasures! Besides when you make kids that cute you have to have just one more. I know its a hard choice if you take that leap. Oh and 5yrs is nothing :) Just makes it all easier on you!

megan said...

I know of one grandma who would love to have another little Jenny ( be it boy or girl)

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

My thoughts exactly (about a year ago) but after much discussion - we decided to have one more. Now PJ wants 2 more???? Um but I think I am done.

Life Happens said...

Yes, Yes - another one. You've both done so well with the girls and I know you'll do well with another. Look at the minimum timeline like this -two in college at once and a year or longer to recoup before the next one goes.
There are 11 years difference between Sean and me - 5 between Katie and me. I love them both dearly despite the age difference.

Lindy said...

This grandma is voting: a geat big YES!!!!!!!

Annie said...

I have the same "issues" but believe me I want another baby but just a miracle can bring another one to me.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I completely understand! If you decide to have another baby, you will be spread thinner. That's just the way it is and it's not necessarily a bad thing because you simply adjust. It will be more difficult, but I agree with Laura when she says the joy and love another baby will bring to your house will surprise you. I, personally, would LOVE to have another baby. But, I'm more than past my prime, so I doubt that will happen. But, you? Go for it!! I think it would be wonderful.

allboymama said...

I haven't read your blog in a while & just ran across this. I have no regrets about having another boy & an 8 year gap with Luke. I am pleasantly surprised at what wonderful older bros our boys have become to Luke. BTW baby Luke is sure to get Tony nagging you about having a boy when he sees him at the Leite get together haha